Children steal for a variety reasons. Some steal for comfort, others to impress a group of friends, get back at their parents, or to get the things they want. Sometimes they steal just because it is exciting. Probably as many as one in four children have deliberately stolen something at some time. Most, of course, never do it again. But those who do, do so for one reason: it works. Whatever their core need: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing provides it for them.
Sometimes, the excitement generated by stealing is motivation enough. As many as one in four kids have stolen something - although most will never do it again.
Along with this, your main emphasis needs to be on promoting honesty. Use everyday events, such as stories from television or school, as a starting point for talking about honesty, integrity, and family morals.
At the same time, model it yourself. What do you do when you find a wallet in the street? Or when you are given too much change in a shop? Your children will be watching you, and learning.
Keep an eye on your kids, watching for good behavior. Each time they perform an act of honesty, no matter how small, be sure to reward and praise them.
At the same time, you need to model the behavior yourself. Are you conscientious about returning change when you are given too much in a store, what do you do when you find a wallet or money in the street? Your children learn by watching you.
Next talk to your child about righting the wrong. This goes beyond returning the stolen item. It includes paying for the disruption and disrespect that he or she also committed. The best way is to have the child take care of the wrongdoing with you supplying lots of support. These are some examples:
If you happen to catch your child stealing, stay calm. Losing your temper, yelling or screaming will not help, and may even be perceived as an attention reward for them. Secondly, do not allow them to lie to excuse their behavior.
If your child stole something from a stranger, take it away and consider contacting the police. Also fine your child yourself.
In the event that he spent the money or sold the item to get money, require him to sell something of his own. You can even buy it from him but make sure that he knows the item is gone forever.
Arrange for some "community service" for the victim or, if unknown, for the family or neighbours.
If the item is no longer in the child's possession and the money has been spent, ask the child to sell some of their own favorite items (even to you) to pay for them and the fine. Make sure what is sold is gone for good.
Another option that has an effect is to arrange for some "community service" for the theft victim or, if you don't know their identity, for the family or neighbors.
The final point is to let it go once the event is over. Go back to work at rewarding right behavior and quit concentrating on the wrong. What we all should strive for continually promoting honesty. Your child isn't your enemy, the dishonest behavior is.
Sometimes the temptation is to impose a long grounding sentence. Remember, jail does not reform hardened criminals, so expecting a different result with your own child is not realistic.
Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through his website: www.good-child-guide.com. This article is copyright. You are encouraged, however, to freely copy it provided this signature block is included without modification (other than the addition of your own affiliate link)
