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I like the way Abraham Lincoln said it best, "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" Now, I don't know how many of you have actual enemies, arch nemeses, rivals, foes or adversaries. These descriptions seem pretty extreme, but sometimes in business, rivalries happen. They key is not to let them define us or impede us because unlike movie villains, most people are really just looking for friendlies. Everywhere people go, they are looking for a friendly face. They are looking for someone to acknowledge them. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're going, or what you're doing, people look for this acknowledgment. In our world, people are all the time sending out the signal looking for friendlies. All the time they are searching for people who are going to be nice to them. And the world ignores them. Here's something to know as you're going in: as a persuader you're going to be ignored. You are going to put yourself out there over and over, and people are most definitely going to be ignored sometimes. Know that this is inevitable going in and don't take it personally. You know better, some others, don't. So here's a weird incongruity--how is it that what people really, truly want in life is to be acknowledged and accepted and yet they end up not paying any attention when other people are acknowledging and accepting them? We are all conditioned. That's one thing. We set up boundaries early on. Maybe we're protecting ourselves against rejection, sheltering ourselves from disappointment. We're trying to keep up a wall that separates us from the "crazies" out there and we've opted to look down at our feet and appear occupied instead of extending our energy. And despite all of this, despite the fact that you WILL be rejected, let us commit to stop ignoring people and to cutting back on our own rudeness. This rudeness, while not confined to the US, is not as prevalent if you go to other countries. Other cultures are quite different in terms of their unconscious hellos and a general openness to greeting people. Several years ago I visited a Latin American country where I was woefully ignorant of their particular way of greeting. And I say woefully, because I had not only misinterpreted, but I had judged in the process. After getting off the airplane, I noticed the greeting first in the airport. A man tipped his head back and pushed his lips out. Instead of immediately realizing that this was in fact a greeting, I took it that the man was trying to hit on me. Here, if you purse your lips at someone, it's an indication of, 'Yeah, hey, I'd like to kiss you.' I was put off and became increasingly disturbed. Wherever I went, I'd encounter this same treatment. What the heck was going on? Was I suddenly irresistible to other men? Was I a hot commodity in the gay community? Of course not. But why was I being confronted with this kiss everywhere I went? Huh? Well, as quick as I like to believe I am. . . Eventually, I noticed a fellow member of the religious group I was with doing the same thing, and this man was most definitely not interested in other men. Once I saw this, like a lightning bolt, as if the blindfold of my limited cultural frame had been taken off, I began noticing EVERYONE doing this. Once I realized this, I began to immediately mirror the behavior and my discomfort became acceptance.
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About the Article Author
Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of affluent clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.
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